The Onion Network: Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of...

Monday, January 28, 2008

Vissza kenyérrel

kedves leveledre, melyben ismét nem történik más, mint hogy kiosztasz, itélkezel felettem, helyreraksz, lefikázol es elküldesz melegebb éghajlatra, a következőket tudom mondani:

1) practise what you preach: nem én vagyok az egyetlen, akinek viselnie kell a döntesei következmenyeit. de ehhez először ám fel kell ismerni az összefüggéseket...
2) ebben a helyzetben neked is akkor jó, ha nekem nagyon hamar összejön valami pozitív... ha továbbra is negatív energiákat osztasz, az csak pusztulásba vezet. amíg jót kivánni nem tudsz, inkább ne szólj.
3) újra be kellett látnom, hogy soha nem fogsz kiszakadni az istenkomplexusodból - csak hogy én is ítélkezzek egy kicsit.
4) az idén már csak egyszer óhajtok felőled hallani.

kívánhatnám neked is ugyanazokat a sikereket, mint te nekem, de én inkább vissza kenyérrel - így hát: reméljük a legjobbakat!
bár amint belegondolok a leveledben forrongó rosszindulatba, szinte meggondolom magam... azt kívánnám, lakjál olyan sötét kútban, amilyenbe engem festesz...

PS: tényszerű pontosítások
i) ami velem megesett, másokkal is megesik. erre találták ki az EI-t.
ii) az nekem nem jár - és azért nem, mert te ígéretet tettél (nem nekem, a kormánynak), hogy szükség esetén gondomat viseled.
iii) továbbá hitelkártyára sem vagyok jogosult, ami szintén segítség lehetne vész esetén, illetve hatékony eszköz annak megelőzésében.
iv) én pedig arra tettem ígéretet, hogy szükség esetén hozzád fordulok segítségért.
v) és ezt te mind nagyon jól tudod, csak neked kényelmesebb nem belegondolni.

Monday, January 14, 2008

To the Wavy Cloud

Seni Düşünürüm...


Seni düşünürüm
anamın kokusu gelir burnuma
dünya güzeli anamın.

Binmişin atlıkarıncasına içimdeki bayramın
fır dönersin eteklerinle saçların uçuşur
bir yitirip bir bulurum al al olmuş yüzünü.

Sebebi ne
seni bir bıçak yarası gibi hatırlamamın
sen böyle uzakken senin sesini duyup
yerimden fırlamamın sebebi ne?

Diz çöküp bakarım ellerine
ellerine dokunmak isterim
dokunamam
arkasındasın camın.
Ben bir şaşkın seyircisiyim gülüm
alacakaranlığımda oynadığım dramın.



Nazım Hikmet

***


I Think of You...

I think of you
and I feel the scent of my mother
my mother, the most beautiful of all.

You are on the carousel of the festival inside me
you hover around, your skirt and your hair flying
Mere seconds between finding your beautiful face and losing it.

What is the reason,
why do I remember you like a wound on my heart
what is the reason that I hear your voice when you are so far
and I can't help getting up with excitement?

I kneel down and look at your hands
I want to touch your hands
but I can't
you are behind a glass.
Sweetheart, I am a bewildered spectator of the drama
that I am playing in my twilight.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Airport security

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/canada_airport_security

Hopefully this was a harmless effort that could will light on the necessity of continuous training of the security guards. Security is necessary - and if we all think so, we should make sure that we get what we need as professional service. Not that I condone this kind of guerrilla activism (I still like to think that the guy didn't want to hurt anybody and was not a real threat as he could have been), but keeping security on their toes is not a bad thing. They should be competent in their job!

***

in other words by Red Ensign:
Gee, how did this guy get through all our airport's tight security? The rope barriers? The stand-alone divider walls? The chair blocking the aisle between the metal detectors? The polite stewardess who would have asked him nicely not to run by her? MY GOD, does a terrorist have to do this carrying 10 pounds of dynamite for us to get REAL AIRPORT SECURITY???

Schmap and online photo rights

FlickrMail

From:

Emma J. Williams

Subject:

Schmap: Toronto Photo Short-list

Hi Dave,

I am writing to let you know that one of your photos has been short-listed for inclusion in the fourth edition of our Schmap Toronto Guide, to be published early January 2008.

www.schmap.com/shortlist/p=37643212N00/c=SF28043015

Clicking this link will take you to a page where you can:
i) See which of your photos has been short-listed.
ii) Submit or withdraw your photo from our final selection phase.
iii) Learn how we credit photos in our Schmap Guides.
iv) Browse online or download the second edition of our Schmap Toronto Guide.

While we offer no payment for publication, many photographers are pleased to submit their photos, as Schmap Guides give their work recognition and wide exposure, and are free of charge to readers. Photos are published at a maximum width of 150 pixels, are clearly attributed, and link to high-resolution originals at Flickr.

Our submission deadline is Sunday, December 30. If you happen to be reading this message after this date, please still click on the link above (our Schmap Guides are updated frequently - photos submitted after this deadline will be considered for later releases).

Best regards,

Emma Williams,
Managing Editor, Schmap Guides



Oh, I felt so honored that _anybody_ would want to use my picture _anywhere_.
In fact, I still do, although I'm (almost) worried about how the colors would come off and stuff - if published, that is.

and then I read the Toronto Group's discussion on the topic:
http://www.flickr.com/groups/tdot/discuss/72157603553406157/

As I see it, there's nothing wrong with this.

Hell, sure I would've loved to read that somebody wants to pay for a 6' x 8' fine print, frame it, make it part of a traveling exhibition across 6 continents and take me along - but I guess that doesn't happen very often without making some serious efforts to expose myself, does it???

Digital age. Everybody who has a camera is a photographer now. We post for all to see. Free - because we have something to show. And everything that's online is - FREE.
The quantity of images created and shared worldwide say in the past year probably exceeds that of every exposure over the first 120 years of photography.
Schmap, or in fact anybody, could take your picture from Flickr and publish it in some online thing and you would never know.

True, free online exposure in Schmaps might not even affect Flickr visits at all.
But as I wasn't looking to actually SELL this picture (not yet, but why not give it a chance now?) - I don't see how a measly 150 wide thumbnail with my name next to it would misrepresent me as a photographer or pull money out of my pocket.

Should I find out the city is getting splattered with posters using a picture of mine for a travel agency or sg, or just as in the mentioned travel brochure, without asking my permission and giving me proper credit - now that would be a violation of copyrights all right, see you in court.
But that's why I don't upload anything larger than 1200px @ 72dpi, I guess. Anybody who wants to see the 10 MB version can ask me for it, right?

Re: why average pictures get chosen. It might be just the different photo editors' not-so-refined taste, I figure. Plus it must be a quantity over quality priority for them, too. They want LOADS of pictures.
(A good thing that you can turn the offer down if you think it's not your best - then go push your best! Also, trying to be more selective and post only the best in the first place could be a way to go. Why post something you don't stand by a 100%? I'd turn the offer down AND delete the picture so that it doesn't happen again.)

To sum it up, I say yes and don't feel exploited. Should they decide to use it, I'll be happy about the exposure and I'll drop a thank you just as all the other people do. Save the link, take a screenshot, thanks a bunch for noticing.

I mean, that would appear if anyone searched "photography" and my name, isn't that so?
Post more, add more tags to turn up in more searches.
And possibly start searching where I could market my photography lucratively.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Wondering about New Age

That's how slow I can be taking my time to react to thoughts on occasion... I think I'm still quite overwhelmed about your experience with past life regression.

Partly because I hadn't realized you had that tight of a connection with nature's people - but of course, how wouldn't you have, that comes with real cultural immersion.
Which leaves me wondering about how come you didn't stay with them and lived more of your life there... I'm sure you had your reasons.

On the other hand, this cycle of a relationship - that's just all very... I don't know, paralyzing in a way, and of course, sad. But where it all leaves me is how many parallel cycles do we have, because we have more than one relationship in a life, and how do we know some others are not equally universal, with different things to work out thru them?

All in all, I'm positive there's more coming your way, this life, than just working out your feeling of not belonging.
Which really does seem to be a common denominator among our kind, those who are unsettled and looking for answers all the time...
We all have felt we do not belong here, in this world, maybe this planet or just this dimension or time... that something is not right... that nobody else seems to understand us... all the Matrix stuff :)
and / or The Celestial Prophecy, according to taste.
There's lots of books about all that, it's not like we're inventing anything.

But then, rightful is the question: where are all the things we have achieved? Any visible result of a change, provoked by the New Age or any other, in fact, towards a... what? Better World? World Peace And Love?

Is there??? Right now it's bloody hard to see any!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

The Well

My life was never short of bleak futures being painted to me.
I was always perceived as someone going straight downhill at any given time in my life.
Look at the last paragraph of my Mom's last email and you'll see what I mean.
She doesn't remotely have the facts at hand, yet her instant vision - on the chance of getting busted again should I decide to drive, which I won't - involves me getting thrown to jail and then out of the country...
Thanks, Mom.
That's the kind of 'help' I've been ever getting from her, and then most - not all - of the women I had as partners. We supposedly pick the same type all over, just for being familiar.
Well, it doesn't work for me anymore. And that's one pattern I'm breaking with the divorce.
But all this being said, why would anybody be surprised at me having a hard time envisioning a positive future and actually working towards it?
The little positivity I do bear took me a long time to pick up on the way and integrate into myself. I'm still not very boasted with it, so to speak. It's still not more than vaguely hopeful and might never become confident.
One more thing: too bad it's only people that don't know me closely that are really confident about my coping abilities and encourage me...
Once you get to know me more, you're bound to lose hope for me.
I'm a deep, bottomless well you don't want to jump in.
I'm working on bringing the bottom closer to the surface, and that has to happen before you can even take a peek.

Goals for the year to come

I've never did this - but people change, don't they.
I have to try, maybe it does work in keeping me focused on where I'm going.

So here's a list of the things and events I want to happen in 2008.

- I WANT TO BE ABLE TO PAY MY TAXES - if I have to choose just one, that's the single most important one, being the biggest concern right now. I could also put it as being financially stable.
- I WANT A PHOTOGRAPHY RELATED JOB
- I WANT TO GO ON A 2-WEEK VISIT TO HUNGARY
- I WOULD LOVE TO GO ON A 3-4 WEEKS LONG BACKPACKING TRIP IN SOUTH AMERICA
- I WANT TO GO UP SKIING IN QUEBEC
- I WANT TO BE ABLE TO LIVE A HEALTHIER LIFE: QUIT SMOKING, CUT BACK ON THE LEAVES, EAT HEALTHIER, DO MORE EXERCISE
- I WANT TO MOVE TO ANOTHER APARTMENT
- I WANT TO MASTER MY PHOTOSHOP SKILLS AND GET INVOLVED WITH GRAPHIC DESIGN
- I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A SMALL SOLO EXHIBITION
- I WANT A SIMPLE AND QUIET DIVORCE
- I WANT TO BE ABLE TO AMPLIFY MY PHOTOGRAPHY EQUIPMENT: LENSES, FLASH, ACCESSORIES

Saturday, December 15, 2007

My Chakra Report

"Your first chakra is associated with your connection to a tribal force and your sense of belonging in the world. It symbolizes the physical plane of existence — both the earth and your physical body. This being true, it's not surprising that the first chakra is known to be the source of self-preservation and survival. When this first chakra energy is disrupted, you may be more liable to feel alone in the world, be afraid for your safety, and feel disconnected from other people. You're also likely to feel ungrounded, lacking a strong connection to the earth or your body. Energetically, when the first chakra is disrupted you can feel you have no real "roots."

Your first chakra is a level 0.1 out of 10. This means that right now it appears that you have a preoccupation with survival on some level. Such a focus can get in the way of your enjoyment. It can also keep you from taking the risks necessary to be happy. By working the lessons associated with this blocked energy, you can begin to feel safe enough to take more risks and live more fully."


***

Reading this triggered the sea of tears I've been suppressing for more than 6 months... or part of it, at least.
No, not because I feel sorry for myself, although some would say that. It's just the accumulated feelings around how hard it is to be me sometimes. I'm so desperate to belong somewhere right now that it's almost shameful...
So yeah, at this moment I don't think Christmas is my thing... I might still have some, but I'm not getting the vibes at all just yet.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Broken Things List

It is almost ridiculous how where I am in life manifests in material things around me.
It's kind of scary too, when I come to think of it.
Or maybe the scary thing really is the reflection I discover in the mirror...

So here it goes, the list of things that broke down, stopped functioning, got lost or even stolen. And most of this happened in like 8-10 weeks' time.

cell phone - 3 keys went non-functional for several weeks, leaving me unable to dial new numbers and send only wacky text messages, before the whole thing just refused to be charged.
oven - dunno, won't start. how do you jack up an oven? I'm sure I did this somehow.
backpack - it was a good one, but obviously not suitable for carrying heavy tools around for 3 months. I wanted to travel with this.
knapsack - same. it's just a zipper here, but that makes it equally useless.
computer - well, it just needs upgrades to an extent where it's more worth to buy another computer... it cannot handle my photos and general activity anymore.
monitor - OK, I bought it used after the other one died. I could never calibrate the hell of that green out of it. unsuitable for working with pictures.
computer desk - didn't support the heavier monitor. if I took the two pieces of 2x4 holdong it up, it would probably come of leaving a serious opening in the wall.
mp3 player - yes, this was not an iPod either, but I expected it to last longer than a couple of months... and without music, I'm going insane :(
iTunes - needs to be upgraded, doesn't work. no music :(
Photoshop - same as above. can use just Elements 4.0, which is not complete enough.
flat tire on car - I was driving around the jobsite on the donut for 3 weeks before I could come up with the money to get a used tire.
car - I should spend $700 on repairs and $500 on insurance before it's of any use again.
bike - just a flat tire there, too.
tools - there's a bunch of them that are broken and useless. you have to keep investing in your tools all the time.

Items I managed to lose:
2 pairs of gloves
2 hats
1 set of apartment keys (Snoopy found his way back after a week, and it was such a great party it was well worth the 1 hour wait for the landlady upon getting home)
1 Nikon lens cap 58mm

Item that was stolen:
1 DeWalt drill/screwdriver, taken from the jobsite when there was 3 of us working around it. about $200 to replace.

I know, I never wanted bonds with objects. The more things you own, the more likely they will start owning you.
But then there's comfort.
And then there's personal sustainability... meaning health as much as the ability to make money.
Finally, there's a combination of stupid actions, carelessness and bad luck... the Mortal Mix.

Weary days

it was one of those weary days again when life is making me face an obstacle and i'm still just banging my head on it.
i went just to fetch my car from the 'Shwa, sneak it home.
and once i was there, why not finish some unfinished jobs.
but i made sure everybody knows that i'm so out of there.
then it changed to looking like it would be worth to come back tomorrow and actually make some money... sounded like good news.

and then, what do i do? i get busted by the safety (the serious guys) for not wearing a hard hat and not having the proper rope and the ladder being all unsafe...
he's talking to the other guys down there while i'm up on the roof, i just catch a couple of words.
i want to finish it quick. one of the dudes says 'I think you should come down'.
OK, I do, and as the blue hat turns his back on me, i just walk behind the house, to the coffee truck on the other side, borrow the coffee dude's hat, walk back to my car in a circle, see that the folks are in the house, so i just get in my car and drive...
two hours later the siding guys tell me that the safety inspector was actually talking to me when i walked away, but he just kind of laughed at me and started busting everybody else's ass.
that's too bad... but it looks like I was lucky after all.
they fined two tapers plus the super, which is a blow, so I guess the guy was over the quota for the day or just in a happy mood, whatever.
a weary, but lucky day - i was this close to being fined on a day i didn't even make a cent but spent some instead just to be able to work.

and there it is.
it's as clear a no-go as it gets, and it has been for quite a while now, anybody can see it.
so what do i do?
go there tomorrow again, because the prospect of bringing home some bacon is more enticing than stay home, look for jobs and make 0 cents.


***

Fikusz is acting weirder and weirder - I'm suspicious he's thinking about some pussy :P
but OMG, I don't wanna have him neutered!!!

Ween - Baby Bitch