Luck...? Fate...?

08/22/08


I never considered myself a lucky person, gambling and the like never worked for me and I don't think I ever won anything in contests or the like. My brother always had a lucky hand, so my point of reference made me feel almost struck with bad luck.

Understandably, I couldn't care less about promotions where all I do is give out personal data to a company so they can junk mail me forever.

However, as I already was already a member on my fave radio station's site, I clicked a few links just for fun, the guys have tickets to give away to rock gigs and other events.

Then I got two emails.

***
"Guess what? You've won entry for you and a friend to Dean Blundell's Sausagefest! It happens this Friday, August 15th, at Sound Academy. And who says you never WIN anything!
...

Hey Pina here,
I'm so excited about tomorrow's Dean Blundell Sausagefest that I want to make sure you know exactly what's going on...here's the breakdown!
You and a friend get to come...remember you both have to be 19

BBQ starts at 5pm...Mmmmmmmmmmmm SAUSAGES!!! Our good friends over at Shopsey's deli restaurants are going to hook up the first 500 people arriving at 5pm with a free sausage. Not to mention there will be tons of activities, like a Sumo Wrestling Ring, Box and Bounce, JOUST Station, Vegas style games for tons of cool prizes and more!

Concert starts at 8pm featuring performances from The Flatliners, Die Mannequin, The Saint Alvia Cartel, and The Salads. And of course appearances by Dean Jason Todd and other morning show crew!"

***

So there you go:

I WON SOMETHING!!!

Too bad I read the email on Saturday, August the 16th. Friday had been a real shitty, screwed up day...

Hm. So I was lucky and I wasn't. Or I was lucky but distracted to realize. Or I was lucky because I would have felt even more shitty going with no budget.

I was lucky, that's a fact.

I'm not linking in the latest tragedy, but you know what I mean. People scared of flying know what I mean. It's hard to see such an accident, because not travelling is not an option.

Live life to the fullest and appreciate every day you have. You never know when it's your last.

PS: Hungarian speakers should have noticed the email author's hilarious name :D

Renewal

I'm going into a new phase in my life, there are changes around the corner.
I'm curious to see how they unfold and how I am able to shape myself into a newer person.

Feels like something I didn't want to remember

hey, you know what? I suddenly feel back in Eastern Europe again, LOL
I had to change my appointment with my new family doctor, Dr. Maria.
I thought I'd just pop in, maybe see if she's not busy right now, coz I assumed that woman in the cage wouldn't be very friendly on the phone if she was that rejective in person on the first occasion.
so there's like 7 people waiting, they are busy... but the secretary is nowhere. I wait there for like 5-7 minutes, then give up, walk away and give them a call.
it's the Dr answering a phone, saying that it's OK but it's a long weekend and the secretaries are already gone (it's 3 PM, they're open till 5), so could I please call back on Tuesday
and the dumb Polaks just sit there, watch me stand around at the window like an idiot and won't say a bloody word.
now that's so CEU to me...
I think I'm too Canadian already to put up with shit like this, LMAO. am I a becoming a snob? or do I just happen to like some Canadian standards in customer service?

this could be just a funnily annoying little story and should easily be shrugged off - but it's way beyond irritating that my whole week has been exactly like this, every day, with almost anything I had to do.

gridlocked.

Vissza kenyérrel

kedves leveledre, melyben ismét nem történik más, mint hogy kiosztasz, itélkezel felettem, helyreraksz, lefikázol es elküldesz melegebb éghajlatra, a következőket tudom mondani:

1) practise what you preach: nem én vagyok az egyetlen, akinek viselnie kell a döntesei következmenyeit. de ehhez először ám fel kell ismerni az összefüggéseket...
2) ebben a helyzetben neked is akkor jó, ha nekem nagyon hamar összejön valami pozitív... ha továbbra is negatív energiákat osztasz, az csak pusztulásba vezet. amíg jót kivánni nem tudsz, inkább ne szólj.
3) újra be kellett látnom, hogy soha nem fogsz kiszakadni az istenkomplexusodból - csak hogy én is ítélkezzek egy kicsit.
4) az idén már csak egyszer óhajtok felőled hallani.

kívánhatnám neked is ugyanazokat a sikereket, mint te nekem, de én inkább vissza kenyérrel - így hát: reméljük a legjobbakat!
bár amint belegondolok a leveledben forrongó rosszindulatba, szinte meggondolom magam... azt kívánnám, lakjál olyan sötét kútban, amilyenbe engem festesz...

PS: tényszerű pontosítások
i) ami velem megesett, másokkal is megesik. erre találták ki az EI-t.
ii) az nekem nem jár - és azért nem, mert te ígéretet tettél (nem nekem, a kormánynak), hogy szükség esetén gondomat viseled.
iii) továbbá hitelkártyára sem vagyok jogosult, ami szintén segítség lehetne vész esetén, illetve hatékony eszköz annak megelőzésében.
iv) én pedig arra tettem ígéretet, hogy szükség esetén hozzád fordulok segítségért.
v) és ezt te mind nagyon jól tudod, csak neked kényelmesebb nem belegondolni.

To the Wavy Cloud

Seni Düşünürüm...


Seni düşünürüm
anamın kokusu gelir burnuma
dünya güzeli anamın.

Binmişin atlıkarıncasına içimdeki bayramın
fır dönersin eteklerinle saçların uçuşur
bir yitirip bir bulurum al al olmuş yüzünü.

Sebebi ne
seni bir bıçak yarası gibi hatırlamamın
sen böyle uzakken senin sesini duyup
yerimden fırlamamın sebebi ne?

Diz çöküp bakarım ellerine
ellerine dokunmak isterim
dokunamam
arkasındasın camın.
Ben bir şaşkın seyircisiyim gülüm
alacakaranlığımda oynadığım dramın.



Nazım Hikmet

***


I Think of You...

I think of you
and I feel the scent of my mother
my mother, the most beautiful of all.

You are on the carousel of the festival inside me
you hover around, your skirt and your hair flying
Mere seconds between finding your beautiful face and losing it.

What is the reason,
why do I remember you like a wound on my heart
what is the reason that I hear your voice when you are so far
and I can't help getting up with excitement?

I kneel down and look at your hands
I want to touch your hands
but I can't
you are behind a glass.
Sweetheart, I am a bewildered spectator of the drama
that I am playing in my twilight.

Airport security

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/canada_airport_security

Hopefully this was a harmless effort that could will light on the necessity of continuous training of the security guards. Security is necessary - and if we all think so, we should make sure that we get what we need as professional service. Not that I condone this kind of guerrilla activism (I still like to think that the guy didn't want to hurt anybody and was not a real threat as he could have been), but keeping security on their toes is not a bad thing. They should be competent in their job!

***

in other words by Red Ensign:
Gee, how did this guy get through all our airport's tight security? The rope barriers? The stand-alone divider walls? The chair blocking the aisle between the metal detectors? The polite stewardess who would have asked him nicely not to run by her? MY GOD, does a terrorist have to do this carrying 10 pounds of dynamite for us to get REAL AIRPORT SECURITY???

Schmap and online photo rights

FlickrMail

From:	Emma J. Williams
Subject:	Schmap: Toronto Photo Short-list
	Hi Dave, I am writing to let you know that one of your photos has been short-listed for inclusion in the fourth edition of our Schmap Toronto Guide, to be published early January 2008. www.schmap.com/shortlist/p=37643212N00/c=SF28043015 Clicking this link will take you to a page where you can: i) See which of your photos has been short-listed. ii) Submit or withdraw your photo from our final selection phase. iii) Learn how we credit photos in our Schmap Guides. iv) Browse online or download the second edition of our Schmap Toronto Guide. While we offer no payment for publication, many photographers are pleased to submit their photos, as Schmap Guides give their work recognition and wide exposure, and are free of charge to readers. Photos are published at a maximum width of 150 pixels, are clearly attributed, and link to high-resolution originals at Flickr. Our submission deadline is Sunday, December 30. If you happen to be reading this message after this date, please still click on the link above (our Schmap Guides are updated frequently - photos submitted after this deadline will be considered for later releases). Best regards, Emma Williams, Managing Editor, Schmap Guides

Oh, I felt so honored that _anybody_ would want to use my picture _anywhere_.
In fact, I still do, although I'm (almost) worried about how the colors would come off and stuff - if published, that is.

and then I read the Toronto Group's discussion on the topic:
http://www.flickr.com/groups/tdot/discuss/72157603553406157/

As I see it, there's nothing wrong with this.

Hell, sure I would've loved to read that somebody wants to pay for a 6' x 8' fine print, frame it, make it part of a traveling exhibition across 6 continents and take me along - but I guess that doesn't happen very often without making some serious efforts to expose myself, does it???

Digital age. Everybody who has a camera is a photographer now. We post for all to see. Free - because we have something to show. And everything that's online is - FREE.
The quantity of images created and shared worldwide say in the past year probably exceeds that of every exposure over the first 120 years of photography.
Schmap, or in fact anybody, could take your picture from Flickr and publish it in some online thing and you would never know.

True, free online exposure in Schmaps might not even affect Flickr visits at all.
But as I wasn't looking to actually SELL this picture (not yet, but why not give it a chance now?) - I don't see how a measly 150 wide thumbnail with my name next to it would misrepresent me as a photographer or pull money out of my pocket.

Should I find out the city is getting splattered with posters using a picture of mine for a travel agency or sg, or just as in the mentioned travel brochure, without asking my permission and giving me proper credit - now that would be a violation of copyrights all right, see you in court.
But that's why I don't upload anything larger than 1200px @ 72dpi, I guess. Anybody who wants to see the 10 MB version can ask me for it, right?

Re: why average pictures get chosen. It might be just the different photo editors' not-so-refined taste, I figure. Plus it must be a quantity over quality priority for them, too. They want LOADS of pictures.
(A good thing that you can turn the offer down if you think it's not your best - then go push your best! Also, trying to be more selective and post only the best in the first place could be a way to go. Why post something you don't stand by a 100%? I'd turn the offer down AND delete the picture so that it doesn't happen again.)

To sum it up, I say yes and don't feel exploited. Should they decide to use it, I'll be happy about the exposure and I'll drop a thank you just as all the other people do. Save the link, take a screenshot, thanks a bunch for noticing.

I mean, that would appear if anyone searched "photography" and my name, isn't that so?
Post more, add more tags to turn up in more searches.
And possibly start searching where I could market my photography lucratively.

Wondering about New Age

That's how slow I can be taking my time to react to thoughts on occasion... I think I'm still quite overwhelmed about your experience with past life regression.

Partly because I hadn't realized you had that tight of a connection with nature's people - but of course, how wouldn't you have, that comes with real cultural immersion.
Which leaves me wondering about how come you didn't stay with them and lived more of your life there... I'm sure you had your reasons.

On the other hand, this cycle of a relationship - that's just all very... I don't know, paralyzing in a way, and of course, sad. But where it all leaves me is how many parallel cycles do we have, because we have more than one relationship in a life, and how do we know some others are not equally universal, with different things to work out thru them?

All in all, I'm positive there's more coming your way, this life, than just working out your feeling of not belonging.
Which really does seem to be a common denominator among our kind, those who are unsettled and looking for answers all the time...
We all have felt we do not belong here, in this world, maybe this planet or just this dimension or time... that something is not right... that nobody else seems to understand us... all the Matrix stuff :)
and / or The Celestial Prophecy, according to taste.
There's lots of books about all that, it's not like we're inventing anything.

But then, rightful is the question: where are all the things we have achieved? Any visible result of a change, provoked by the New Age or any other, in fact, towards a... what? Better World? World Peace And Love?

Is there??? Right now it's bloody hard to see any!

The Well

My life was never short of bleak futures being painted to me.
I was always perceived as someone going straight downhill at any given time in my life.
Look at the last paragraph of my Mom's last email and you'll see what I mean.
She doesn't remotely have the facts at hand, yet her instant vision - on the chance of getting busted again should I decide to drive, which I won't - involves me getting thrown to jail and then out of the country...
Thanks, Mom.
That's the kind of 'help' I've been ever getting from her, and then most - not all - of the women I had as partners. We supposedly pick the same type all over, just for being familiar.
Well, it doesn't work for me anymore. And that's one pattern I'm breaking with the divorce.
But all this being said, why would anybody be surprised at me having a hard time envisioning a positive future and actually working towards it?
The little positivity I do bear took me a long time to pick up on the way and integrate into myself. I'm still not very boasted with it, so to speak. It's still not more than vaguely hopeful and might never become confident.
One more thing: too bad it's only people that don't know me closely that are really confident about my coping abilities and encourage me...
Once you get to know me more, you're bound to lose hope for me.
I'm a deep, bottomless well you don't want to jump in.
I'm working on bringing the bottom closer to the surface, and that has to happen before you can even take a peek.

Goals for the year to come

I've never did this - but people change, don't they.
I have to try, maybe it does work in keeping me focused on where I'm going.

So here's a list of the things and events I want to happen in 2008.

- I WANT TO BE ABLE TO PAY MY TAXES - if I have to choose just one, that's the single most important one, being the biggest concern right now. I could also put it as being financially stable.
- I WANT A PHOTOGRAPHY RELATED JOB
- I WANT TO GO ON A 2-WEEK VISIT TO HUNGARY
- I WOULD LOVE TO GO ON A 3-4 WEEKS LONG BACKPACKING TRIP IN SOUTH AMERICA
- I WANT TO GO UP SKIING IN QUEBEC
- I WANT TO BE ABLE TO LIVE A HEALTHIER LIFE: QUIT SMOKING, CUT BACK ON THE LEAVES, EAT HEALTHIER, DO MORE EXERCISE
- I WANT TO MOVE TO ANOTHER APARTMENT
- I WANT TO MASTER MY PHOTOSHOP SKILLS AND GET INVOLVED WITH GRAPHIC DESIGN
- I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A SMALL SOLO EXHIBITION
- I WANT A SIMPLE AND QUIET DIVORCE
- I WANT TO BE ABLE TO AMPLIFY MY PHOTOGRAPHY EQUIPMENT: LENSES, FLASH, ACCESSORIES