The Well

My life was never short of bleak futures being painted to me.
I was always perceived as someone going straight downhill at any given time in my life.
Look at the last paragraph of my Mom's last email and you'll see what I mean.
She doesn't remotely have the facts at hand, yet her instant vision - on the chance of getting busted again should I decide to drive, which I won't - involves me getting thrown to jail and then out of the country...
Thanks, Mom.
That's the kind of 'help' I've been ever getting from her, and then most - not all - of the women I had as partners. We supposedly pick the same type all over, just for being familiar.
Well, it doesn't work for me anymore. And that's one pattern I'm breaking with the divorce.
But all this being said, why would anybody be surprised at me having a hard time envisioning a positive future and actually working towards it?
The little positivity I do bear took me a long time to pick up on the way and integrate into myself. I'm still not very boasted with it, so to speak. It's still not more than vaguely hopeful and might never become confident.
One more thing: too bad it's only people that don't know me closely that are really confident about my coping abilities and encourage me...
Once you get to know me more, you're bound to lose hope for me.
I'm a deep, bottomless well you don't want to jump in.
I'm working on bringing the bottom closer to the surface, and that has to happen before you can even take a peek.