Wondering about New Age

That's how slow I can be taking my time to react to thoughts on occasion... I think I'm still quite overwhelmed about your experience with past life regression.

Partly because I hadn't realized you had that tight of a connection with nature's people - but of course, how wouldn't you have, that comes with real cultural immersion.
Which leaves me wondering about how come you didn't stay with them and lived more of your life there... I'm sure you had your reasons.

On the other hand, this cycle of a relationship - that's just all very... I don't know, paralyzing in a way, and of course, sad. But where it all leaves me is how many parallel cycles do we have, because we have more than one relationship in a life, and how do we know some others are not equally universal, with different things to work out thru them?

All in all, I'm positive there's more coming your way, this life, than just working out your feeling of not belonging.
Which really does seem to be a common denominator among our kind, those who are unsettled and looking for answers all the time...
We all have felt we do not belong here, in this world, maybe this planet or just this dimension or time... that something is not right... that nobody else seems to understand us... all the Matrix stuff :)
and / or The Celestial Prophecy, according to taste.
There's lots of books about all that, it's not like we're inventing anything.

But then, rightful is the question: where are all the things we have achieved? Any visible result of a change, provoked by the New Age or any other, in fact, towards a... what? Better World? World Peace And Love?

Is there??? Right now it's bloody hard to see any!

The Well

My life was never short of bleak futures being painted to me.
I was always perceived as someone going straight downhill at any given time in my life.
Look at the last paragraph of my Mom's last email and you'll see what I mean.
She doesn't remotely have the facts at hand, yet her instant vision - on the chance of getting busted again should I decide to drive, which I won't - involves me getting thrown to jail and then out of the country...
Thanks, Mom.
That's the kind of 'help' I've been ever getting from her, and then most - not all - of the women I had as partners. We supposedly pick the same type all over, just for being familiar.
Well, it doesn't work for me anymore. And that's one pattern I'm breaking with the divorce.
But all this being said, why would anybody be surprised at me having a hard time envisioning a positive future and actually working towards it?
The little positivity I do bear took me a long time to pick up on the way and integrate into myself. I'm still not very boasted with it, so to speak. It's still not more than vaguely hopeful and might never become confident.
One more thing: too bad it's only people that don't know me closely that are really confident about my coping abilities and encourage me...
Once you get to know me more, you're bound to lose hope for me.
I'm a deep, bottomless well you don't want to jump in.
I'm working on bringing the bottom closer to the surface, and that has to happen before you can even take a peek.

Goals for the year to come

I've never did this - but people change, don't they.
I have to try, maybe it does work in keeping me focused on where I'm going.

So here's a list of the things and events I want to happen in 2008.

- I WANT TO BE ABLE TO PAY MY TAXES - if I have to choose just one, that's the single most important one, being the biggest concern right now. I could also put it as being financially stable.
- I WANT A PHOTOGRAPHY RELATED JOB
- I WANT TO GO ON A 2-WEEK VISIT TO HUNGARY
- I WOULD LOVE TO GO ON A 3-4 WEEKS LONG BACKPACKING TRIP IN SOUTH AMERICA
- I WANT TO GO UP SKIING IN QUEBEC
- I WANT TO BE ABLE TO LIVE A HEALTHIER LIFE: QUIT SMOKING, CUT BACK ON THE LEAVES, EAT HEALTHIER, DO MORE EXERCISE
- I WANT TO MOVE TO ANOTHER APARTMENT
- I WANT TO MASTER MY PHOTOSHOP SKILLS AND GET INVOLVED WITH GRAPHIC DESIGN
- I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A SMALL SOLO EXHIBITION
- I WANT A SIMPLE AND QUIET DIVORCE
- I WANT TO BE ABLE TO AMPLIFY MY PHOTOGRAPHY EQUIPMENT: LENSES, FLASH, ACCESSORIES